i didn’t want to think about this.

foreverandaday21:

I hated when we had to get all our marriage papers done and we had to go through the will and change the beneficary and crap. I almost cried

(Source: dark-minded-lightskinned)

I strongly believe this.

kyfryy:

Nothing that has happened to you is a surprise to God. God will still get you to where you’re supposed to be.

i love playing tourist in my city. wish there was someone i could spend the day with.  i miss my baby :(

lifeviarachel:

Home.

(Source: monjoiedevivre, via janeeislegit)

I think I did okay for my first one(two) I hope he gets it soon

I hope he’s safe…..

Spent almost 80$! 😳😰

• Zaps (New Orleans Chips) 
• Pickle Chips
• Jolly Ranchers
• Snapple, Hawaiian punch drink mixes (couldn’t find any gatorade?)
• cry baby bubble gum
• gobstoppers
• pixi sticks
• starbursts
• skittles
• sour patch kids
• big red
• granola bars
• breakfast cereal bars
• cheese its
• pretzels 
• pistachios 
• sunflower seeds
• toothbrushes
• tums
• foot powder
• individual tooth flossers
• disinfectant wipes
• baby wipes
• halls
• bandaids
• hydrocortisone cream
• antiseptic cream
• facial scrub
• hand sanitizer
• two metal brain teasers
• 5 pairs of long under armor socks
• 18 facial cloths

USPS is closed as shit. 

what the fuck. So this past two weeks i have been struggling through finals. literally. and i have been stressed out beyond belief, with going to work on top of that. So now that they are over things are starting to fee back to normal. still waiting for my grades to come it but thats whatever.

So last night i got to Facebook message him and he’s asking about what i sent in the care package. after i told him the day before that i wouldn’t be able to send one until friday. he says he thought i meant this friday. cool. understandable,even. so i apologize again. i have just had SO much on my plate ya know? not to mention the 1.19$ left in my bank account after paying my rent and half my phone bill with the last pay check. This month i get paid three times and i got a raise so I’m expecting to use this check on a care package. I’ve told him this. I’ve explained to him why i haven’t sent anything, what i plan to send etc and up until this point he’s been really understanding. 

up until this point. 

so. he gets on twitter and says ” still no care packages, figures” and I’m like wtf? i mean i really am doing the best i can. i literally have no control over having no money. so i ask him about it he says he texted two other people (in his family I’m guessing) and they said that they were going to send one too. at this point I’m guessing he thinks its bs. he says he’s known people thats got 1 and 2 already and he hasn’t gotten any. i understand how that must feel. believe me. but like i said, I’m doing  the best i can with what Ive been given. so i asked him to be patient and he retorts “not like i have a choice” 

i hate when he’s that way. it really makes me want to say fuck it. like don’t be a dick to me. I’m the only one who actually bends over backwards for you. ugh. fuck it.

today I’m going to buy everything on his credit card. which i didn’t want to do because i hate using his credit card for non emergencies. oh and did i mention he didn’t get paid yet either? so he is equally broke as i am..but whatever  at this point. *Throws hands in the air* 

i love him. i am only one person. why doesn’t he get that. 

ever in life. shits eating me up.

finals are over! these two weeks semester has been hell. glad its all behind me. now we wait…gonna watch movies and play the sims naked all day. I’m so grateful for my mom, aunt and uncle and my baby for supporting me through this! *deep sigh of relief* 

(Source: weheartit.com, via sincerelysaraahh)

I’m always lonely. I’m always overwhelmed with the feeling of loneliness. 

Whats it called? monophobia.

When i say Yashua is my best friend. I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I honestly know we are soul mates we were meant to be friends. he gets it. I’ve had friends that I’ve called my “best friends” that i wouldn’t consider my best friends. By that i mean I have two friends, male and female and we talk and I’m open with them and they’re open with me. I’m completely comfortable with them but i still feel alone with them…

I’ve always felt alone my whole life. i wonder if it has something to do with being an only child for so long? but I’ve always had my cousins who i was close with….but then again my cousins always had siblings my age too so they had their sibling bond so i still felt alone. 

back to my mono phobia; I’m not sure if i should call it that. I’m not afraid of being alone, i like to be left alone i work better alone…etc but i have a fear of being left in cohesion with being alone. 

Ive never told anyone but Yashua. he was the first person I’ve ever let in. I don’t think I’ve accepted this as much as i do now. which is why i can write about it? anyway- this is getting ramble-y 

So I’m sitting in my moms living room with her and my two baby brothers and we are talking and laughing and i still feel lonely. in a room with people i should feel closest too- my mother who grew me and my brothers who come from the same place as i do. 

yet I’m lonely. 

and i miss you. only you. not in the “I’m having a good time i wish you were here” way. but in a way that i feel a piece of my soul missing and i can’t sense you near. i wish i could explain this feeling.  i wish i could pick up the phone.

im lonely and i miss you, only you.

I am CONSTANTLY day dreaming about how it will be the next time I see him. The next time we have our second first kiss…gaaaahh:) will it be like every home conning I’ve seen?when I spot him in the airport start running like crazy then he sees me drops his bags and catches me as I jump into his arms and spins me around? Lol why do I do this to myself. I shouldn’t make up these grand expectations of how things should be. I have a hard time living in the moment. Honestly tho, I could careless about how it is when we first see each other I just CANNOT wait for the day! And from here it’s so far:( this is only the beginning….but on the other hand this is more time for me think of what I’m gonna wear….hell I don’t even know if ill look the same in this period of time. Going to get ready for work now…just a random thought when I woke up ….HAPPY SUNDAY

so he got to his final destination. everything seems fine. he’s in good spirits. great, i honestly couldn’t be more content. he told me he wants lemonade packets lol so i guess ill be sending off a care package pretty soon:) I’m not sure if we will be talking often but he gets to text me and we Facebook chatted? fingers crossed.

we talked about bills blehh :-/ i can tell he’s a little worried its a lot for me since he always took care of everything. i have so much on my plate between rent…my hospital bills his bills and our car insurance. I’ve paid cable and rent ill pay half my phone bill today and the other half next week along with his bank bill and start on hospital payments. (i know this sounds like a ramble but its easy when i put what i need to do in words lol) he told me “its all on you. i trust you can handle it” he’s being so encouraging now! i hope he stays in good spirits and when its too hard i hope i can have the strength to bite my tongue and calm him down instead of snapping back like i always do.

i have work at three until close and so much to do between now and friday so ill be extremely busy to get my mind off things!