I’m always lonely. I’m always overwhelmed with the feeling of loneliness.
Whats it called? monophobia.
When i say Yashua is my best friend. I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I honestly know we are soul mates we were meant to be friends. he gets it. I’ve had friends that I’ve called my “best friends” that i wouldn’t consider my best friends. By that i mean I have two friends, male and female and we talk and I’m open with them and they’re open with me. I’m completely comfortable with them but i still feel alone with them…
I’ve always felt alone my whole life. i wonder if it has something to do with being an only child for so long? but I’ve always had my cousins who i was close with….but then again my cousins always had siblings my age too so they had their sibling bond so i still felt alone.
back to my mono phobia; I’m not sure if i should call it that. I’m not afraid of being alone, i like to be left alone i work better alone…etc but i have a fear of being left in cohesion with being alone.
Ive never told anyone but Yashua. he was the first person I’ve ever let in. I don’t think I’ve accepted this as much as i do now. which is why i can write about it? anyway- this is getting ramble-y
So I’m sitting in my moms living room with her and my two baby brothers and we are talking and laughing and i still feel lonely. in a room with people i should feel closest too- my mother who grew me and my brothers who come from the same place as i do.
yet I’m lonely.
and i miss you. only you. not in the “I’m having a good time i wish you were here” way. but in a way that i feel a piece of my soul missing and i can’t sense you near. i wish i could explain this feeling. i wish i could pick up the phone.
im lonely and i miss you, only you.